some feelings are just shit.

hey sup..long time no see;)

ya know, I freakin hate myself.for being stupid,soo fukin easy as a girl im raised to be.why must i be so kind to people?so friendly?to just end up catching fake feelings for someone that treated me 'soo' very specially, which was what i thought. ughh damn i'm so stupid.for even starting to let these creature known as boys. why must get used to them. why must it be so much more comfortable with them?

I have been too easy,that now I'm the one hurting.i'm the one to blame,for being in the conflict,for falling?,for being so foolish and just realising too late, that nothing good ever comes out of these feelings.not now.not yet.

but whats the point regretting now huh?your names been disgraced.your title? you friendships,the trust.All them messed up.yet all you can do now..is laugh about it even though it still hurts you.you thought what you had was special,but just so you know..you're just a show and tell for him to his friends. for what? where does your dogmity lies now huh?to regret for anything now..means nothing if you;re still lettin him dthe heck in the very few thats left in your heart my dear.

i made a mistake..i'm sorry, that because of this its forever gonna hunt you.

I know you think a lot..about many things. it hurts when you hurt other people without realising, especially your friends and family. then not being able to do anything cause you werent even supposed to know. then you see them slowly fading away..slowly make distance between you, but still you're stuck, not knowing how to handle the situation. So, you supress. you keep it all to yourself.

you cant turn back time, you cant change what already happened.

all you can do is wish

wish that you can undo the things you do for him

wish you would know better

wish you would know that your best friend is hurting right beside you.

wish you could un-drown these feelings and finally learn to swim

wish you could take back all the texts.

you know i remember how i was hurting alone after finally ending what fake relationship i was building . all alone, not having anyone to talk about it to.you just fukin hope that it would just finally fade away.and all that pain..just to face the reality that everybody knows.he wasnt sorry not one bit to the fact that he used me as his play date.and like the foolish person you are, so innocent,so desperate to help people..I fell into  his sweet talks,pitiful stories,emojis? hahah stupid no?

it really hurts you know. why? who knows.

guess I was just having shit feelings;))